Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Downton Abbey 1x2

We pick up where we left off, which is quite thrilling, because it leaves us cramped in an old fashioned car with the COUSIN MATTHEW! His eyes are so startlingly blue and he's so determined saying, "I won't let them change me," that... (smelling salts +1). He and his mother, Mrs. Crawley, have just arrived at their sweet new digs in Grantham where he'll be all spruced up to inherit Downton. It's immediately noticeable that he's not exactly thrilled about his change in situation and is having a difficult time dealing with new things like a butler (quelle horreur!). In fact, he's really unhappy at the prospect of having one of Lord G's daughters pushed on him as he wants to marry for love. In walks Mary, right on cue, looking dashing in her riding habit and our poor Cousin Matthew is struck speechless. Dare I say it? Is it LOVE?!
You are not allowed to have such blue eyes, Cousin Matthew, you are not allowed!!
She is asked to stay for tea, but she declines saying she "wouldn't want to push in," obviously having overheard the end of their conversation. Mary has gumption and I love her all the more! But Cousin Matthew immediately runs after her (smelling salts +2) and insists he was only joking. She agrees that the whole thing is a complete joke and it's immediately clear that it was not so much love at first sight on her side. Dang it! Back at Downton, the redheaded housemaid Gwen receives what looks like an important package. Alas, they will keep us in the dark. Lady Grantham reveals to Mary that Lord G doesn't think the entail can be undone, but that she and the Countess are trying to find a lawyer. Peeved, Mary says she finds Cousin Matthew to be rather full of himself and we can all see where this is going. They go downstairs to greet them along with the staff and Cousin Matthew is rather awkward turtle about all the pomp and circumstance.
From left to right we have 1) Mary, a bit mortified at the prospect of marrying such an ill mannered buffoon, 2) Edith who, after approximately 5 seconds, is already fantasizing what her and Cousin Matthew's babies will look like (it's really rather alarming, actually), and 3) Sybil, the most thoughtful person to ever draw breath in this family, house, or universe. As you can see, I am not at all biased... *cough*. Mrs. Crawley brings out the Countess's sassy side, which is delightful because she's full of quotable one liners. Lord and Lady G suggest Mrs. Crawley help out at the hospital. Meanwhile Mary and Cousin Matthew are already butting heads as she points out their social differences... extensively. Have a heart, Mary! Darling Sybil asks what he'll do with his time and he announces he's found a job at a law firm nearby and it's all good because he'll have the weekends to learn about Downton. Then the Countess asks him, "What is a weekend?" which means uncontrollable laughter on my end (smelling salts +3). Thomas is a prick downstairs, but what else is new? The uptight butler, Mr. Carson, gets what appears to be a most shocking letter. On the other side of town Molesley expresses his frustration to Mr. B about how Cousin Matthew never lets him do anything. Poor Molesley! Unfortunately for him, things get worse before they get better. Then... dun dun dun! Anna catches Carson stealing produce from the pantry! But he's such an upstanding man, I don't understand! Mrs. Crawley proves she has an apt mind for medicine, having done her research about a potential procedure to save a local farmer's life. It's not received very well. Then Lady Grantham walks in on O'Brien dissing Cousin Matthew. She makes it clear that nobody disses Cousin Matthew. Aww yeah!
"Wake me at the dressing gong." What's a dressing gong? I want one!
Lady friend gets her death glare on, having a total kick-ass moment in defense of Cousin Matthew = (smelling salts +4). Take that O'Brien! Go rot in the dungeons! From a soaring high we go crashing into a discouraging low as Cousin Matthew gets his foot in it with Molesley. Bah! You're better than that! Our lady friend tells Mary she's got to marry Matthew to secure her fortune, which she's not pleased about for some reason. It's really beyond me! He may be "uncouth," but he's so nice to look at! Anyway, bringing it up before dinner probably wasn't the best idea, because Mary gets her claws out in a big way. She tries to draw a parallel between her own situation and that of Andromeda's. Matthew is rather irked, but the dialogue here is just too fun not to include, so allow me...
If that's the picture of a hideous sea monster then, honey, throw me in the ocean!
Mary: I've been studying the story of Andromeda. Do you know it?
Matthew: Why?
Mary: Her father was King Cepheus whose country was being ravaged by storms. And in the end he decided the only way to appease the gods was to sacrifice his eldest daughter to a hideous sea monster. So they chained her naked to a rock-
Countess: *giggles* Really, Mary, we'll all need our smelling salts in a minute! (smelling salts +5 just for the reference!)
Matthew: But the sea monster didn't get her, did he?
Mary: No. Just when it seemed he was the only solution to her father's problems, she was rescued. 
Matthew: By Perseus.
Mary: That's right! Perseus. Son of a god. Rather more fitting, wouldn't you say?
Matthew: That depends. I'd have to know more about the princess and sea monster in question. 
BAM (smelling salts +6)! Take that Mary! Don't forget our dear Cousin Matthew is a lawyer! As she walks with him outside, the Countess discovers that Matthew feels bad about the entail for Mary's sake, and you can just see the wheels turning in her head. But the next day she's scheming with the doctor to prevent Mrs. Crawley from helping in the hospital anymore. But honestly nobody cares, because Mr. B finds Anna alone in the servants' quarters and says, "Alone at last" (smelling salts +7).
And in this moment, I swear I believed in rainbow unicorns.
These two are so cute and kind, I'm immediately a pile of sappy FEELINGS. The doorbell rings and *gasp* it's a man that's come to blackmail butler Carson! Sybil tells Mr. B she'll stay with him till Carson and her father arrive just in case explanations are needed. BECAUSE SHE'S THE MOST THOUGHTFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD. It comes out that Carson once made his money on the stage and his old friend was coming to the house to make a laughing stock out of him if he didn't pay up. He admits that he stole food from the house to try to appease him. Then he tries to resign, but Lord G won't have it and pays off the man with the promise of his demise should he ever return. Lord G and his heart of gold strike again (smelling salts +8)! 
Anna tells Mr. B the whole debacle is not going to change her opinion of Carson one bit, declaring that nothing could change her mind about Mr. B either! *gaaasp* (smelling salts +9)! He insists that would not be the case. Come on Mr. B, take a compliment! Take her hand in marriage! Meanwhile the Countess goes off to prevent Mrs. Crawley from influencing the doctor to use the new treatment. She comes too late, however, but the good news is the risky procedure pays off and the man is saved. Still... it's really gross. Lord G is so impressed that he decides to let Mrs. Crawley be chairman of the board for the hospital just to teach his mother a lesson. Cousin Matthew asks him if Molesley can be sent away since he doesn't have a use for him, but Lord G puts him in his place. Lord G is a lover not a fighter benefactor and will not deny any good man his right to earn a good living (smelling salts +10)! Edith makes it known to her sisters that she wants to get her hands on Cousin Matthew- bleck! Back away Edith! Back away!!! William tries to ask Daisy to walk to the village, but she's too caught up in thoughts of treacherous Thomas to care. Don't be stupid, Daisy! Back to dear Cousin Matthew. He's already taken Lord G's words to heart and is allowing Molesley to do his job and help him with his cufflinks. He compliments him and is grateful too. Now he's a benefactor just like Lord G! Now I'd officially like to ask him to be my fictional boyfriend. Bless him! Bless them both (smelling salts +11)!
Because two Cousin Matthews are better than one. OBVIOUSLY.
Everyone goes to Mrs. Crawley's ceremony and all is right in the world. Until next time...


  1. Once again.... COUSIN MATTHEW. You are practically perfect in every way. Well, except for that time you didn't let Molesley do his job. I also love your witty banter with Mary. Would it be moving too fast in our relationship if I propose?

    I didn't think so either.

  2. But I'VE already proposed to him, Mariah! Haha. Cousin Matthew doesn't often leave me disappointed (the whole Molesley business), but he more than made up for it, I think. Because he's daaaaaarliiiiiinggg!!!!!