Thursday, December 15, 2011

Downton Abbey 1x3

First thing's first, Mr. B bumps into the secretive Gwen at the post office. She comes home to find Anna poking around the room, finally demanding that Gwen spill the beans. In the gardens Lady G finds Mary reading a letter from a potential admirer, Mr. Napier. They decide to invite him to stay at Downton since he'll be passing through. Back inside, the suspense is over- it's a typewriter! Gwen's been taking a typing class by correspondence. Because she has dreams, darn it, and we say go for 'em! Unfortunately O'Brien walks in at that moment and she knows something's up. Then it's Cousin Matthew! Riding a bike and looking oh so adorable (smelling salts +1)! The beautiful scene is ruined by Edith. Don't stop for her Cousin Matthew! Don't do it! Nooo!!!! She wants to take you on an outing to see nearby churches? That's code for she wants to jump you when no one else is looking! Which I want to do too, but that's beside the point!
Then it seems O'Brien pulled an O'Bitch and has dragged Gwen's typewriter out of her room for everyone to see. Gwen, quite rightly, freaks out. Sweet Anna defends her saying, "She wants to keep it private, not secret. There's a difference." Her other half, Mr. B, follows that up with an "Amen" (smelling salts +2) because he's amazing. Gwen is forced to admit that she has hopes of leaving Downton to become a secretary, which everyone finds this strangely shocking. She has... dreams?! Unspeakable! Lady G receives a letter from Napier saying he will come and stay with them and he's bringing his Turkish friend. Then Mr. B walks into a strange shop to purchase a limp corrector. It looks kind hella scary. That night Mrs. Crawley informs Matthew that they've been invited to dine at Downton along with two male guests, one of which will presumably be flung at Mary. Matthew responds, "When it comes to Cousin Mary she's quite capable of doing her own flinging, I assure you." So cheeky (smelling salts +3)! The next day Gwen breaks down with a case of creyes for eyes during morning chores, overwhelmed by the impossibility of her dream coming true. Anna tries to comfort her, but it's Mr. B who gives her a pep talk (smelling salts +4) because, again, he's amazing. He then grimaces, obviously in pain from the limp corrector, but he keeps his mouth shut. The house is in a tizzy preparing for its guests and a glamorous looking fox hunt!
We catch our first glimpse of Mr. Napier, but the inconstant Mary is quickly enraptured by his exotic Turkish friend, Kemal Pamuk. I say he doesn't hold a candle to Cousin Matthew, but whatever Mary! Let's get your unsuitable fancies out of your system ASAP so you can be with Cousin Matthew sooner rather than later. Off she goes, splitting away from the rest of the group to ride with him off the trail... This can only end badly.
Back away slowly, Edith, back away!
Meanwhile, Edith is showing Cousin Matthew around a local church and is crestfallen to find he only wants to talk about churches and Mary. Maha! De-nied (smelling salts +5)! Back at Downton, Thomas calls dibs on taking care of Pamuk in a very creepy way. He misreads the signals and loses no time trying to pull the moves on Pamuk. Ack! But then Pamuk loses no time blackmailing Thomas to sneak him into Mary's room that night if he doesn't want him to say anything about what he just did. But we want Thomas gone, Pamuk! And I'm blacklisting you anyway because you're not a gentleman! At dinner Gwen is the topic of conversation, but Sybil and her heart of gold are quick to speak up for her. Aww!
How can you not be looking in the other direction?!?!
Poor Cousin Matthew is getting jealous of all the attention Mary is paying to Pamuk, but he's not the only one. Napier isn't too happy either. Edith sidles up to Cousin Matthew saying they should look at churches again sometime soon. He agrees, saying they should take his mother next time, and oh mah gosh, I love this kid! Bullet dodged (smelling salts +6)! Pamuk ushers Mary out of the drawing room to kiss her and ask if he can come to her that night. She says no, she's got a reputation to uphold! Yay! But she should have said it a few more times or told her father and had him kicked out, because he is not deterred and he shows up in her bedroom! In his bathrobe (smelling salts +7 not because it's swoonworthy, but because I'm really shocked and need them, ok?)!
I'd tell you to keep your pants on, Pamuk, except you're not wearing any!
Mary panics, but he kind of launches himself onto her and soon she totally gives in. What about Cousin Matthew?!?! Bad idea, Mary, bad idea! Obviously something goes awry, because the next thing you know Mary is in the servants' quarters waking Anna up. Pamuk is dead! Whaaaaat?! She literally sexed him to death (smelling salts +8)! But since he came to her room, they've got to move him back to his room before anyone else finds out. So they get Lady G, because she's the only other person who has as much to lose as Mary if anyone finds out. She's completely flabbergasted and says she can't do what they're asking her to do. Mary freaks out asking if social ruin is really what she wants for her eldest daughter and I'm thinking mayyybe she should have thought of that before she shimmied out of her bloomers... Just me? Finally they struggle to get him back in his own bed. It seems like they're in the clear, but little Daisy sees them and runs away! Lady G tells Mary she can never forgive her for what she's just put her through and she will only keep her shame secret for the family's sake. Thomas finds Pamuk dead and when Napier runs into Mary, he immediately suspects she had been him the night before since she's overly emotional over someone she just met. Come on, Mary, this is not the time for creyes! Thomas hints that he knows something to the other servants and I just want to lock him up and throw away the key. Must he always be scheming? Finally we get a dose of sunshine when Sybil comes downstairs to give the newspaper to Gwen.
Lady Sybil is my best fictional friend in the whole wide world!!
It has an ad for a secretary in it and Sybil says she can use her as a reference. BECAUSE SHE HAS A HEART OF GOLD (smelling salts +9)!!! Napier admits to Lady G that he has no intention of returning anytime soon since Mary finds him boring. Another suitor bites the dust! Make wayyy for Cousin Matthewww! Lord G tells butler Carson to keep an eye on the ladies downstairs as they might be emotional over the death, because he is the father of the girl with the heart of gold. Once again Mrs. Hughes finds Mr. B in pain, but he still won't say anything. The Countess checks in to see how everyone's doing and gives us yet another classic quote, "No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house." At night, Carson goes to make sure everything is back in order in Pamuk's room only to discover Mary. They have a heart to heart and she asks why he's always been so kind to her. He says, "Even a butler has his favorites, my lady." And just like that, he's the first one to make her smile since Pamuk's death. Warm fuzzies! In the morning Mr. B helps Lord G get ready, grimacing in pain once again. He insists he doesn't need help, but thank goodness, Mrs. Hughes won't have it any more. Giving in, Mr. B lifts up his pant leg to reveal the damage the limp corrector has caused. It's cutting into his skin and no, Mr. Bates, noooooo!!!!!! So sad. Cousin Matthew swings by to check on Mary and offers his services. She seems to soften towards him...? Hopefully that's what I saw there...! Mr. B and Mrs. Hughes throw the limp corrector in the lake with a promise never to do something like that again and a "good riddance" (smelling salts +10). Yay!
DIE.
The episode finishes with O'Brien speculating whether or not Pamuk actually died in his own room and telling Thomas, "Your secret's safe with me." I seriously doubt that! No!!!!!!!!

Update: This just in! Downton Abbey has been nominated for 2012's Golden Globes including best miniseries, best actor (Hugh Bonneville/Lord G!), best actress (Elizabeth McGovern/Lady G), and best supporting actress (Maggie Smith/The Countess!!). Yayyyy!!!!!!!! *pops the champagne*

1 comment:

  1. The hate list: O'BRIEN! (UGH. UGH. UGH!), Thomas (TRIPLE UGH PLUS SOME DISGUST), PAMUK( WHY COULDN'T YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS?!), EDITH (GO WALK OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING)

    In other news: I too, want to be BFFs with Sybil! She sort of reminds me of Anne Shirley, minus the carrot hair. MARY! Why WHY WHY would you sleep with Pamuk when we all know you're meant to be with Cousin Matthew!

    I hope they kick some Golden Globes butt! They deserve the win! And I wonder if we'll get the Christmas special over here. All our lucky British friends keep blogging about it.

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