Thursday, December 22, 2011

Downton Abbey 1x5

Just warning you, we should probably be keeping track of how many times I want to use a poisoned dagger during this episode rather than how many times I break out the smelling salts. But oh well! We'll treat them like the silver lining to this in-an-oh-so-juicy-way monstrosity. We open with Anna, Daisy, and Gwen preparing Mary's room. Gwen drops something as she cleans the fireplace and the sound startles her. She's still rattled since she saw oh-yeah-him Pamuk being dragged out of there, but she doesn't say anything. At breakfast, Lord G has a letter from Aunt Rosamund and Mary says she envies rather than pities her, living in a house in London all alone. Lord G tells her to hold her tongue because "there will come a day when someone thinks you mean what you say." Sybil receives a letter as well. She applied to another position for Gwen. Gwen's surprised that she hasn't given up on her, but Sybil says, "I'll never give up and nor will you!" Because she has a heart of gold (smelling salts +1)!
Mrs. Crawley tells Cousin Matthew that they ought to go on another church outing with Edith after she made such an effort to arrange the last one. He tells her Edith's barking up the wrong tree (smelling salts +2)! Mrs. Crawley hopes there's a right tree for Edith somewhere. I'm sure there is... In Hell. Mr. B catches Thomas stealing wine, because of course he does. And he doesn't say anything, because that is the trend on this show. Dramz! Outside Lord G tells Lady G that his letter hinted that Mr. Napier had found Mary wanting... uh oh! She tells him Mary needs to get married ASAP. Downstairs everyone's asking Daisy what inspired her turn in Mary's room. She blames the Titanic, but evil duo Thomas and O'Brien are suspicious. The village prepares for the annual flower show and Mrs. Crawley finds out that the Countess always wins best bloom. Back at the house we find out that Thomas is responsible for spreading gossip about Mary. Of course he is!!! Gahhh!!!! He asks O'Brien not to tell anyone as Mr. B already caught him stealing wine. They decide it's time to get rid of Mr. B, because they are horrible human beings. Then they corner poor little Daisy and try to get her to spill the beans. 
Mary tells Cousin Matthew he better watch out he better not cry but I wouldn't blame him because Edith has big plans for him. He says, "Then she's in for an equally big disappointment." Maha! Preparing Sybil's room, Gwen pretends to have a sudden wave of sickness. Because she's got an interview to get to! In the kitchens Lady G asks Mrs. Patmore if she'll bake a new dessert for dinner, but she refuses and goes with one she knows like the back of her hand. Then Gwen and Sybil meet in the woods to get on their way! Mr. B helps Anna make the beds now that Gwen's "ill" and they talk about the misfortune of Edith and how she couldn't marry her cousin who drowned on the Titanic. Anna says, "It's always sad when you love someone who doesn't love you back. No matter who you are." Anna!!! Wearing your heart on your sleeve! As she goes to leave the room Mr. B says, "Perhaps Mr. Patrick did love her back. He just couldn't say." And you know he's saying he's in love with her (smelling salts +3)! Mrs. Crawley insists that the Countess only wins best bloom out of a sense of tradition. She asks that she tell the judges they're under no obligation to let her win and the Countess is quite offended. One of Lord G's snuff boxes goes missing... curious. After Gwen's interview the horse throws his shoe and she and Sybil have to look for a smithy. Everyone at the house is wondering where Sybil is and Carson's going to call the police if she's not back soon. The nearest smithy isn't at home and to top it off, the carriage gets stuck in the mud. Sybil tells the horse she'll have him turned to glue if he doesn't get going. Off he runs and kersplat she and Gwen go into the mud!
To answer your question, yes I felt bad for laughing...
Lady G's worried about Sybil and all her daughters, for that matter. She says they're always at each other's throats and O'Brien looks like an O'Bitch idea just popped in her head. No!!! Gwen's back in bed and we find that Anna covered for her. O'Brien goes to see Edith, the sneaky O'Bitch, and tells her no one downstairs can get Daisy to talk about Pamuk's death and how she might know something connecting him to Mary that night. She wonders if she'll talk to her since she won't talk with any of the other servants. Is O'Brien really this much of an O'Bitch or is she trying to cover Thomas's tracks? You know what, I don't care, because I loathe her! Ugh! Does she have nothing better to do than spoil everything 24/7?! Stupid Edith can't tell she's being used; she honestly thinks she's that important that a servant would come to her about a servant and not her parents. Ugh x 2! The next day Edith corners Daisy and gets her to talk/cry. I FLIPPIN' HATE EDITH! Poor Daisy is so innocent, she honestly thinks Edith genuinely wants to help; there's not a thought in her head about the sibling rivalry going on. Preparations continue for the flower show and the Countess and Mrs. Crawley are at it again. 
The dialogue here is at its absolute best:
Countess: My dear Mrs. Crawley believes I'm profiting from an unfair advantage.
Lady G: Oh?
Countess: She feels in the past I've been given the cup merely as a matter of routine rather than merit.
Matthew: That's rather ungallant, Mother. I'm sure when we see cousin Violet's roses it'll be hard to think there could be better.
Mrs. Crawley: Hard, but not impossible. 
Countess: You are quite wonderful the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.
Mrs. Crawley: I take that as a compliment.
Countess: I must have said it wrong.

Hahaha (smelling salts +4)! All I want at this point is to spend the day shadowing the Countess. She's just too funny! And she really is one of my favorite characters. Then Mary and Cousin Matthew get to talking and she tells him some dull neighbors are coming to dinner. He says maybe he'll shine by comparison and she replies, "Maybe you will." Eeek (smelling salts +5)! Carson asks the servants to come speak with him if they know what's happened to Lord G's missing snuff box and it's obvious that Thomas and O'Brien were behind it, trying to set Mr. B up. 
Lady G asks Mary to look after their neighbor Sir Anthony at dinner. He's a boring old man and she pooh-poohs the idea. So Lady G breaks out the big guns and tells her about the rumors in London in the hopes that it will shock her into seriously looking for a husband before her reputation is ruined. Mary tells her mother to concentrate on Edith who "needs all the help she can get." I totally agree with her, but holy heck Edith was eavesdropping! NO!!!!!!!!!! This can't be good. In the kitchens Mrs. Patmore is knocking things over and causing all kinds of mishaps and at the dinner table Mary has a glazed over look on her face as Sir Anthony talks her ear off. But Edith soon captures his attention as she falls over herself to flirt with the man old enough to be her father. Bleck! Cousin Matthew and Mary are getting on splendidly...! All these little hints that her feelings are changing! Get on with it, Mary! Then Sir Anthony takes a bite out of his raspberry meringue and spits it out. It was covered in salt instead of sugar! Mary and Cousin Matthew have a little giggle and it's really quite adorable (smelling salts +6). Mrs. Patmore is very upset about messing up the recipe. Then Anna tells Mr. B she bets Thomas and O'Brien hid the snuff box in his room to get him fired. She instructs him to find it and they'll hide it one of their rooms. Payback! After dinner the ladies are all talking about the dessert fiasco and Edith scolds Mary for giggling about it with Cousin Matthew. 
No one takes Edith as seriously as Edith.
Edith: As for you giggling like a ridiculous school girl with Cousin Matthew- it was pathetic. 
Mary: Oh, poor Edith. I'm sorry Cousin Matthew's proved a disappointment to you.
Edith: Who says he has?
Mary: Matthew! He told me. Oh, sorry, wasn't I supposed to know?

Lady G throws Edith a compliment for taking care of Sir Anthony and Edith boasts she enjoyed it. Ugh. Edith. You can take him! Nobody cares! She bets that Mary can't "win every prize" and Mary takes up the challenge. No!!! Don't do it Mary! Don't fall for that bait! Mrs. Patmore tells Carson she doesn't need a doctor to tell her she's going blind. Dear butler Carson looks so sympathetic, I could really use a hug from him right now just because. When the men go to join the ladies, Lord G and Cousin Matthew hint at how things are looking up for Matthew's relationship with Mary. But as soon as they come into the room, Mary immediately snaps up Sir Anthony because of the bet. Which causes Edith to attempt snapping up Cousin Matthew. But he's not having any of it, makes his excuses, and leaves. Mary runs after him, but she doesn't leave the house. She just watches him disappear into the night.
Hike up your skirts and run after him, you dummy!
Meanwhile her father remarks, "Mary can be such a child. She thinks if you put a toy down it will still be sitting there when you want to play with it again." Anna asks Carson if the snuff box has showed up yet and Mr. B proposes a search before anyone can go to their rooms to retrieve it. This catches Thomas and O'Brien completely off guard and they know he knows they tried to set him up and the snuff box is possibly hidden in one of their rooms. They run off to their rooms and when Mrs. Hughes visits O'Brien's, she's found standing there with the room torn completely apart looking for it. Cousin Matthew returns home flustered because he thought the tides had been changing with Mary. Poor Cousin Matthew! CREYES!!! At the flower show the next day, the family praises old Mr. Molesley's roses and joke that the Countess will win best bloom even though he deserves it more than her. The servants are making their way to the show and as Mr. B and Anna discuss Mrs. Patmore's fate, he says nothing is worse than false hope. She tells him she wished he'd just come out with his secret, but he says he can't because he's not a free man, but doesn't deny it. It being his love for her?!?! He says he had been married, but that's not all of it. AND THEN SHE TELLS HIM SHE LOVES HIM (smelling salts +8 three little words = 2 points)!!!!!
Anna: Because... I love you, Mr. Bates. I know it's not ladylike to say it, but I'm not a lady and I don't pretend to be. 
Bates: You are a lady to me. And I never knew a finer one.

She's a lady to him (smelling salts +9)! OH MY GOSH! I caaaaan't!!! Back at the flower show Gwen tells Sybil that she didn't get the job and "only a fool doesn't know when they've been beaten." But our angelic golden-hearted Sybil quickly responds, "Then I'm the fool, for I'm a long way from being beaten yet" (smelling salts +10). Mary apologizes to Cousin Matthew and nearly explains the details of her bet, but he tells her not to apologize and walks away. Gosh darn it, Mary, what have you done?! 
I just want to point out how perfect their outfits are.
Like a vulture, Edith descends upon Mary to rub it in and they quarrel. And I just want to push Edith down on the ground! And kick her! Several times! Then the Countess goes to give the Grantham Cup to best bloom in the village. Her name is on the slip, but she gives it to dear old Mr. Molesley. He whispers a thank you for letting him have it, but she assures him it's the judges who decide these things. Such change in heart (smelling salts +11)! We finish with evil Edith writing a letter. But who could she be writing to? Everyone knows Edith doesn't have any friends! Oh my gosh! It's addressed to the Turkish ambassador! Dun dun dun! Backstabbing wannabe slut!! Ugh! I HATE HER!!!!

All in all, it was quite the eventful episode! But... yes... there is a but... PARDONNEZ-MOI BUT WHERE WAS BRANSON?!?!?! You can't just grace my screen with him one episode and rip him away from me the next! NOT COOL!! He better be back next time with a lot of screen time to make up for this travesty!


  1. "You are a lady to me. And I never knew a finer one" made me cry so hard! Love this episode!

  2. AS SOON AS CHRISTMAS IS OVER... I am all over this post!