*FAN FLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! Downton Abbey returned to our TV sets this week, dumping us into the second season with COUSIN MATTHEW all gritty in the trenches. Say what?!?! As if this guy hasn't had heartbreak enough, you're going to make him fear for his life?! His precious blue eyed life?!
|As you can see, two years have passed... I feel cheated!|
ée, Mary arrives home with a new beau. Pardonnez-moi, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS?!?! How many times is this episode (which is really more like two episodes rolled into one) going to have me screaming, "THE SKY IS FALLING!!!" Ugh. I'll just have to hide with Branson under the car... mmm... Oh sorry!
Here's the SPOILER-FULL final breakdown:
- Cousin Matthew's uniformed self in the trenches (smelling salts +1).
- Edith's making Branson teach her how to drive. BACK AWAY, EDITH! Did you threaten to poison his family if he wouldn't teach you or is he just that golden-hearted of a match for Sybil? Still... LEAVE HIM ALONE (brass knuckles +1)!
- New maid Ethel. Just what we need. Another cranky pants b'otch (brass knuckles +2).
- COUSIN MATTHEW'S ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE (brass knuckles +3)?!?! WHAT THE FLOCK, MATTHEW!!!! And she's not Mary? And she's coming to Downton while you're on leave? And you're CRUSHING MY OTP DREAMS?!?!
- Golden-hearted Sybil, feeling useless regarding the war, has a new dream to be a nurse (smelling salts +2). Mrs. Crawley's going to see if there's a place for her in nursing school.
|If only that was a look of disgust! When will Lady G ever learn?|
- But there's O'Bitchin' life-ruiner O'Brien eavesdropping on the whole conversation. She runs to tell Lady G saying she doesn't think it's fitting for "innocent" little Sybil. YOU ARE NOT HER MOTHER, O'BITCH, STAY OUT OF IT (brass knuckles +4)!!!
- What's this?! Ethel is not afraid to give O'Bitch a verbal tongue lashing (smelling salts +3)! I don't like her, but I certainly love her right now.
- Lady G isn't too happy with Sybil's new aspirations, but the Countess stands up for her (smelling salts +4). After all, even princesses are nurses!
- Sybil gets Mrs. Patmore to teach her the basics of cooking so she can be more useful in nursing school (smelling salts +5).
- At the benefit, some ladies pass out white feathers to "cowards" like William who haven't enlisted (brass knuckles +5). So cruel!
- The family apologizes to him at dinner, but Edith says he ought to be ashamed (brass knuckles +6). No, you ought to be ashamed Edith!!!
- After Mr. B tells Anna he could get a divorce from his cray-cray thievin' wife, he kinda sorta proposes. He's told Lord G who has found a cottage for them and everything. She says she'd smack him if she didn't want to kiss him so much. K-I-S-S-I-N-G (smelling salts +6)!
|Ughhhhh my heart strings!!!!!!!!|
- Mary meets Cousin Matthew at the train station to say goodbye and give him her good luck charm (smelling salts +7)! SO. MUCH. TENSION!!! They are so obviously in love, but neither will say so. CREYES!
- Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife shows up at Downton and is a total jerk to Anna (brass knuckles +6). How is it that everyone and their mother knows about the Mr. B/Anna situation? Maybe that pesky skipping over 2 years business is to blame...
- Once Lady G sees Sybil baking a cake for her in the kitchen, everything is A-OK with Sybil's new dreams (smelling salts +8). You see? Sometimes a sugar coating is necessary.
|The poster child for CRAY-CRAY-CRAZY.|
- *GASP* Now Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife is blackmailing him saying she knows Mary's secret and will reveal it to the press if he doesn't leave Downton with her so she can have all his money (brass knuckles +7). Gahhh!!!!! Let me at her! Of course he's going to go now!
- Daisy kisses William to cheer him up about the war (smelling salts +9). Have you finally gotten your act together, Daisy?!
- Mr. B gives his notice and leaves with his cray-cray thieven' wife who is looking shamelessly smug (brass knuckles +8).
|YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM, SYBIL! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!|
- Branson drops Sybil off at nursing school, but he can't keep it in longer! What?! What?! THANK YOU, JULIAN FELLOWES! He tells her to bet on him and that he'd "devote every waking minute" to her happiness (smelling salts +10)! AHHHH!!!!!! OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
- But Sybil stiff arms Bransons perfect OTP love (brass knuckles +9). WHAT?! WHAT?! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! YOU ARE ON MY LIST SYBIL! Boo I never thought I'd say that.
- Edith walks in on Mary praying for Cousin Matthew. She's got a b-e-a-uuutiful picture of him and everything (smelling salts +11). IT'S TRUE LOVE!
- Thomas purposefully gets himself shot on the frontline just so he can go back to Downton i.e. killing my dreams of getting himself killed (brass knuckles +10).
- Molesley tries to put the moves on Anna after lending her a book, saying they should talk about it one on one. She suggests a book club with the other servants... bahaha (smelling salts +12)!
- Carson accidentally spills something all over Edith's dress (YES!), but then he has some sort of attack (NO!). Even though he's having a fit right in front of her, all she does is moan about her stupid dress because she's soulless (brass knuckles +11).
- But it's ok, because Mary has a soul and the darling goes to check up on him in the servant's quarters (smelling salts +13). They have a moment and he advises her to tell Cousin Matthew how she really feels. THANK YOU, BUTLER CARSON!
|I knew this guy was bad news... but maybe that bias comes from only having seen him play villains... Nope! He's interfering with my OTP, therefore, HE'S GOING DOWN!|
- Pesky Aunt Rosamund discovers Sir Anthony, Mary's swoon-less new beau, threatening Lavinia, Cousin Matthew's fiancée in the gardens (brass knuckles +12). Listen, I'm not Lavinia's biggest fan- nothing against her, but she doesn't seem to have much of a personality just yet and HELLO COUSIN MATTHEW + MARY 4 EVS!- but nobody messes with Cousin Matthew's people. NOBODY!!! You, sir, are black listed!
- Guh. The blind guy in the hospital that Sybil and Thomas were trying to help (yes, Thomas proved he has the remnants of a soul buried somewhere deep within him... or maybe he just had a crush on the guy? Still, MAJOR SHOCKER!) killed himself (brass knuckles +13). Just kill off good looking new characters, why don't you?!
- Sir Richard proposes to Mary at the train station (brass knuckles +14). There's no mention of love. How romantic. She tells him to give her time... You don't need any time! You love Matthew, you dummy! Is everyone trying to drag my FEELINGS through the mud this episode or what?!
- At the hospital Sybil tells Branson that she can't ever go back to her life the way it was before the war... As in... he can renew his offer?! As in you'll take him now?! His face certainly looks hopeful for a second and so does mine (smelling salts +14).
- Mary goes to tell Cousin Matthew she loves him, but totes chickens out when she finds Lavinia crying in the garden (brass knuckles +15). Bahhh!!!
- Molesley flat out tells Anna he wants to see more of her, but she tells him she'll never give up on Mr. B (smelling salts +15). Finally somebody cares about my FEELINGS!
- But I have to take it back right away because stupid Daisy admits to Mrs. Patmore that she never intended for William to think of her as his sweetheart before going off to war (brass knuckles +16). If you don't want someone to think of you that way, you probably shouldn't go around enthusiastically kissing them, don't you think?! Right back where we started.
- WHAT?! WHAT?! After failing to tell Cousin Matthew the truth about her ALL CAPS FEELINGS for him, Mary announces that she's going to accept Sir Anthony's proposal (brass knuckles +17). HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!
Overall, I must say that the season premiere was quite surprising. I mean, Edith helping out at a farm next door, driving tractors, kissing farm boys... I almost liked her for 2.5. seconds. Don't get carried away, I said almost! But the biggest shocker of the episode had to be when Sybil resisted Branson's confession of unwavering devotion. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME! LET'S NOT FORGET THE CONSPICUOUS HAND HOLDING AT THE END OF SEASON 1! She obviously hasn't done anything to lose his affection after two years, so this tragedy is just beyond me. And, of course, the Mary/Cousin Matthew dilemma has both my stomach and bloomers in an absolute twist. They way they convey their love for each other with a single glance... I caaaaaaan't! They are made for each other! I know she broke his heart and all, but... WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!
So how was your reunion with these characters? Were there more creyes, swoons, brass knuckles, are an even mix? Ugh. Three days till episode two. Can. NOT. wait.