Thursday, February 2, 2012

Downton Abbey 2x4

This episode, you guys, this episode! I just... can't even... ok. Let's just rip off the band-aid and dive in.
  • Cousin Matthew is heading into battle and across the sea, Mary suddenly goes terribly cold and breaks her teacup. BECAUSE THEIR HEARTS ARE INTERTWINED, Y'ALL (smelling salts +1)!
If you die, Cousin Matthew, I will kill you!!!
  • But holy shizz- now William and Cousin Matthew are tangled up together in a pool of blood (brass knuckles +1). NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Back at Downton, we discover that William survived when Edith volunteers to nurse him back to health. She's being so... nice (smelling salts +2)! Am I having an identity crisis? Is this an alternate universe?! Well, apparently it doesn't matter because the doctor says that since William isn't an officer, he can't stay at their convalescent home.
  • O'Brien tells Thomas that she shouldn't have written to Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife again, letting her know that he was back at Downton (brass knuckles +2). Damn straight you shouldn't have!
  • And, quelle surprise, her ears must have been bleeding. Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife shows up unannounced with claws out (brass knuckles +3).
  • The Countess uses the phone, asking Edith, "Is this an instrument of torture or communication?" So sassy! She's trying to find out who's on the board so she can talk to the right people and use her influence to allow William to come home (smelling salts +3). You go, Violet, you go!
  • Once again, surprise surprise, Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife threatens to go to the papers with Mary's scandal (brass knuckles +4). Bitch, I will cut you.
  • When Sybil asks Branson to drive her to the hospital so she can be with Mary with Cousin Matthew arrives he says, "You're good at hiding your feelings, aren't you? All of you. Much better than we are." But she assures him that she does have FEELINGS and not to forget it (smelling salts +4)! Ahhhhh the wait is killing me!!!
  • Boo!!! William is evidently beyond help. But when the doctor goes to tell his father, the Countess prevents him from spilling the bad news so soon, saying they "must let the blow fall by degrees" (smelling salts +5). She just cares so much! I can't even!
  • Cousin Matthew returns home, looking like death on a stretcher, and HOLY CREYES he has probable spine damage (brass knuckles +5). INFINITE SOBS!!! What are the writers trying to do to me?! And he's still got Mary's lucky charm! Guh!
  • Flustered about Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife showing up, O'Brien tells Thomas she won't stand by while people try to harm her lady (smelling salts +6). WHAT IS HAPPENING?! I actually liked her in this moment... what does that mean? What does that mean?!
  • Oh no! OH NO! The doctor tells Lord G that Cousin Matthew might be paralyzed and unable to have children (brass knuckles +6). This is a major problem for me because I want to have his babies! I mean I want Mary to have his babies! Gahhhhhhh!!! Whyyyyyyyy?!?! I hate everything!!!!!
  • Cousin Matthew knows that Mary knows something about his condition and asks her to tell him what it is. You see? He knows he can count on her not to lie to him. This gives me a lot of FEELINGS. She tells him about his spine, trying to sugar coat it, and he just... knows. Oh my heart! She tells him to cheer up and he can start making plans for his wonderful life when Lavinia visits him next. She walks away and bursts into tears and OH MY GOSH (smelling salts +7)! She was being so brave for him, the darling!
  • Mrs. Hughes tries to give the Major a letter from Ethel concerning their baby, but he won't accept it because- what a shocker- he's not a gentleman at all (brass knuckles +7).
  • Mary goes to London to tell Sir Richard about her past scandal before he hears about from Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife. He's a total jerk saying that now they're on an "even" playing field. He agrees to do what he can to keep it from getting in the papers, but tells her she's now in his debt (brass knuckles +8). I. hate. him.
  • Inevitably, William's dying wish is to marry Daisy. Daisy doesn't feel right about it since she doesn't love him and has been leading him on the whole time. But Mrs. Patmore tells him she will do it just to give him a bit of peace before he dies (brass knuckles +9). You are driving me insane with all this nonsense, Mrs. Patmore! Keep your nose out of it! Daisy's a total pushover, but that doesn't make her life yours to dictate!
  • Cousin Matthew tells Lavinia they could never be "properly married" since he can't have children. She says she doesn't care, but he tells her he's letting her go (smelling salts +8)! I do feel bad for Lavinia and I hate that Cousin Matthew is being so depressing saying he "won't steal her life" and to "think of him as dead," but... But! MATTHEW AND MARY 4EVS!!!!!!! I feel like my OTP bliss is within grasp!
AHHHHHHHHHHDSLKFJSLFJLEJWIEOWEJWOEIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! The proximity! The excrutiating proximity between Sybil and Branson! We've got hands on waists, moving speeches, and almost kisses and ughhhhhsdlfslejwleiwosieo (smelling salts +9)!
  • Sir Richard buys the scandal story from Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife and for a split second, I am thankful to him for making it a binding contract so she can't sell the story to any other papers (smelling salts +10). But you're not Matthew, Sir Richard, therefore, you are on. my. list.
  • Lavinia confides what's just happened between her and Cousin Matthew to Mary. Now Mary knows how he supposedly can't ever have children. Mary just looks so desperately sad (smelling salts +11)! It'll be ok, Mary! It'll be ok! You'll be with him and he won't be paralyzed and I won't have to keep eating chocolate every time you're on screen and it will all be magic!
  • The next morning, Mary's engagement to Sir Richard is announced in the newspaper (brass knuckles +10). Are you kidding, Sir Richard? You're so vile. Doing that without asking. Who do you think you are? Your engagement wasn't even official! I HATE EVERYTHING!
CRAY CRAY!!!
  • Upon discovering she's been crossed, Mr. B's cray-cray thievin' wife shows up at Sir Richard's office to throw a temper tantrum. She declares that she may be through making trouble for Mary, but certainly not for Mr. B and Anna (brass knuckles +11). Just leave it!
  • Daisy and William get married on his death bed (brass knuckles +12). And I wish it was Daisy in that death bed. Ugh. Spineless creature.
  • Cousin Matthew tells Mary that he could never marry any woman now (brass knuckles +13). You mustn't say such things in front of the love of your life!!! Of course she says someone might just want to be with him for the very sake of being with him alone, but he's literally too ill to process that comment. SHE LOVES YOU, COUSIN MATTHEW!!!!!
  • Mrs. Crawley returns from France to help take care of Cousin Matthew. And while I'm not exactly thrilled to see her again so soon, the relief on Matthew's face is worth its weight in gold (smelling salts +12).
  • The episode ends with William's death (brass knuckles +14). *throwing inanimate objects at the TV screen*
This is unprecedented! Brass knuckles beat out smelling salts 14 to 12! What?! But it's not entirely because I want to punch the characters themselves, most of the time my fist clenching was induced by what the writers were putting them through. YOU LEAVE COUSIN MATTHEW ALONE! He is meant to have lots of sex and babies with Mary and you will not take this away from me! My heart. My poor mauled heart. On top of which, I'm having a mental breakdown because O'Brien and Thomas actually had nice things come out of their mouth. And, yet again, I liked Edith throughout the entire episode. Cousin Matthew may be paralyzed and I like Edith. What the heck is going on?!?!

Also, I hope I'm just being paranoid, but... the pretty new maid Jane... At first I was so happy. I had it listed as a smelling salts moment that Lord G would hire a war widow despite the fact that she had a child and they don't usually hire household staff with family. But then when they finally met because she didn't know her way around the house and walked into the wrong room, it triggered something in my mind. Why did the writers slip this in here? Why? I was a little unsettled, but tried to focus on how warm Lord G is to everyone and, therefore, brushed it aside. But then I saw the preview for next week's episode and how Lord G tells Lady G, "Sometimes, Cora, you can be curiously unfeeling!" Do you... see what I'm... driving at? I hope my instincts are just off kilter because of my utter confusion and heartbreak over Cousin Matthew. But if Edith and O'Brien are being nice and if I could now care less about Mr. B, there's no telling what kind of 180s even my most beloved characters are capable of... I CAN'T PROCESS ALL THE FEELINGS!!!!!!!! *sobs*

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