In case you haven't caught up on this week's episode, take it from me, do not watch this one when everyone else in your house has gone to bed. Not a good idea! I was uncontrollably crying out all. the time. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to throw something!
- The episode opens with Mary pushing Cousin Matthew around in the yard. And for a moment, it's like they're a couple (smelling salts +1). Ugh!
- Vile Sir Richard is watching them from the house and asks Lord G if he should be jealous (brass knuckles +1). Gross. I really dislike you. And YES you should be jealous!
- The doctor tells Lord G that a wounded/burned Canadian soldier with a connection to the house has asked if he can be moved to recover there. His name is Patrick Gordon. As in... Cousin Patrick who died on the Titanic?! As in, this will screw up Cousin Matthew's life even more, stripping him of the title and estate (brass knuckles +2)?! I'm usually awful at predicting what's to come, but why else would the writers recycle the name Patrick? Gahhhhh!!!!!
- Mrs. Crawley is anxious to ensure Downton is still useful after the war. Dude. It's not your house. When will you learn to stay out of it (brass knuckles +3)?!
- Still feeling guilty about marrying a man she didn't love on his deathbed, Daisy refuses to the accept the money the Army is offering her due to William's death (smelling salts +2). At least she's got some semblance of a backbone. Not that it really matters now that he's dead!
- Concerning vile Richard, the Countess says, "I don't dislike him, I just don't like him," because she's my sassy spirit animal (smelling salts +3).
- Sir Richard takes Mary to look at an enormous estate nearby that he's thinking of buying. She says it's time to go home and he asks, "What's at Downton that needs your attention so urgently?" (brass knuckles +4). Only the love of her life, you demon suitor!
- Jane replaces Carson to serve Lord G and- gahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I really don't have a good feeling about this (brass knuckles +5)! Especially after he says he'll help her son get into school. This war needs to be over so a man can e serving Lord G again!
- *GASP* The big reveal. Just as I suspected, Edith discovers it is Cousin Patrick (brass knuckles +6)! I HATE EVERYTHING!
- Patrick tells Edith that he did/does love her (brass knuckles +7). Whoa, buddy, settle down. Haven't you been suffering from amnesia this whole time? That is if you even are who you say you are! I don't believe you! I don't believe you! I hate you! Go away! Obviously he has wasted no time pinpointing the weak link in this family.
- OH MY GOSH MARY TELLS COUSIN MATTHEW THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO MARRY VILE RICHARD (smelling salts +4)!!!!!!
- But he dashes all my hopes saying, "I can only relax because I know that you have a real life coming. If I ever thought I was putting that in jeopardy, I'd go away and never see you again." He goes on to say he has nothing to give or share (brass knuckles +8). It's not true!!! Does he not understand the gravity of what he's saying?!?! Stop it, Matthew! I don't understand! They have flat out acknowledged their true feelings for each other! Who cares if they can't have children?! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER! *throwing inanimate objects*
- Sir Richard conspires with Lady G to bring Lavinia back for Cousin Matthew (brass knuckles +9). How dare you, Lady G, how dare you! Grandkids are not more important than your daughter's happiness! I expect so much better from you. I HATE EVERYTHING!
|Branson, you hot toddy!!!!!|
- I can't believe it!!! Sybil asks Branson if he'll wait for her (smelling salts +5)!!! Ahhhhhlskjflksejskldfjlejw!!!!!!!!
- Of course, he tells her he'd wait for her forever (smelling salts +6)!!! Eeeeeee!!!!!!!! Is this really happening?!?! Squee!!!!!! But shouldn't you be in a lip-lock right about now?! Gah!
- Lord G meets with Patrick to hear more of his story (brass knuckles +9). Don't rock Cousin Matthew's boat gosh darn it all!!!
- Later Lord G sits the entire family down to tell them about their possibly-still-living Cousin Patrick. Mary's right there with me declaring him to be an imposter and a fake, crying about how cruel it is when Matthew's been through so much (smelling salts +7). She has so many FEELINGS and is letting everyone see them! Ah!
- Cousin Matthew tells her not to be too quick to decide, but does anyone else notice how he calls her "my dear" (smelling salts +8)?!?! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I don't think he's even aware that he said it! Or maybe it's not a big deal, but I'm making it a big deal! Alas, he's quickly dives into a diatribe instead of revealing his FEELINGS even more.
- WHY DOES JANE KEEP ACCIDENTALLY WALKING IN ON LORD G (brass knuckles +10)?!?! I know I have no real reason to hate her yet, but I just don't have a good feeling about this.
- And for the love of all that is holy (*cough* Cousin Matthew *cough*), Edith, didn't everyone tell you to stop spending so much time with Patrick? I was just starting to like you and now you have to go get all attached to a guy who could potentially ruin everything Cousin Matthew has going for him (brass knuckles +10). Man, she's desperate for love.
- Hallelujah! WWI is over (smelling salts +9)! I like how it all comes full circle; Lord G told them the war was starting and now he's telling them it's ending.
- Thanks to the sly workings of the Countess, Mrs. Crawley decides she's going to leave town to help some refugees (smelling salts +10)! Be gone!
- Stupid Patrick throws a huge tantrum because no one else believes him (brass knuckles +11). But, dude, your story is shady, there are way too many holes in it, and your "memories" are too vague! AND YOU ARE NOT COUSIN MATTHEW!!!
- Lord G tells Matthew that he never thinks of anything except him when it comes to this whole Patrick debacle (smelling salts +11). Because he thinks of you as a son, Matthew! Oh Matthew! You give everybody FEELINGS!
- Oh. no. you. didn't. Vile Richard returns to Downton with Lavinia (brass knuckles +12). No one knew she was coming except Lady G and I HATE EVERYTHING! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I AM PULLING MY HAIR OUT!
- No, Matthew, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let Lavinia push you around literally or figuratively (brass knuckles +13)! You can refuse her! Grrr!!!!!!
- Lord and Lady G fight about Lavinia's surprise visit (brass knuckles +14). Because she ruins EVERYTHING!
|P.S. I love Mary's dress. LOVE.|
- Vile Richard corners Mary and tells her never to cross him- as in jilt him for Matthew- because she's given him the power to destroy her (brass knuckles +15). How dare you, vile Richard, how dare you! Nobody talks to Mary like that! Much less kisses her after that word vomit! And there's nothing you can do to prevent Mary and Matthew from being together! Absolutely nothing! It's in the stars!
- Patrick leaves (smelling salts +12)! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!! Get over it, Edith. I mean, he signed his goodbye letter P. Gordon and everything. He very well could have been Patrick's friend Peter Gordon. Either way: I. do. not. care.
- After a ceremony marking the end of the war, Matthew totally feels something in legs, though he doesn't say so (smelling salts +13)! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Oh thank heaven!!!!!! Lots of sex and babies for Mary and Matthew!!! Okay, Matty boy! It's time to fight for your girl!!!
- The episode ends with a cliffhanger. Mr. B, whose face was all beat up after trying to go and reason with his cray-cray thievin' wife to get a divorce, receives a telegram saying his wife is dead (smelling salts +14).
- Bullet dodged, right? But I'm not so sure... Something's not right. Did Mr. B kill her (brass knuckles +16)?!?! That "worse than you can possibly imagine" comment he made to Anna earlier about his visit with his cray cray thievin' wife is gnawing at my insides.
Brass knuckles win 16 to 14. To be honest, I'm amazed it wasn't a landslide. That being said, I can barely process ALL THE FEELINGS concerning Cousin Matthew! We saw his angry eyes, a rare and terrifyingly beautiful bird, come out this week as well as the impossible hope that he'll walk again. But, Matthew, don't be a martyr! Say goodbye to Lavinia for good and snatch Mary up into your arms! I can barely stand this tension any longer!!! And did you see the preview for next week's episode? Not only does it look like Sybil's declaring her undying love for Branson, but everybody knows it! Whaaaaat?!?! Once again, I cannot process! OTP proximity for liiiiiiife!!!! It looks like the juiciest episode ever and I cannot wait!
P.S. Here's a peek at my v. thorough notes this week...