In honor of the impending day of loooove, fictional boyfriend number 2 (yes, I have lots of fictional boyfriends, no I will not list them all for you), has released a lovely new album. I'd like to pretend that he knows my love for old standards, and thus Kisses on the Bottom is his blatant attempt at wooing me- candy and flowers are so overrated. Obvs, I have an extremely overactive imagination, but can you blame a girl? It's not every day Sir Paul McCartney releases a new album. So I'm going to take this opportunity to properly spazz over the jazzy, creamy, swoony, heart meltingly, spine tinglingly awesome-sauceness of it all.
P.S.- To the critic who shall remain un-named that accused Sir Paul of being given to schmaltz and sappiness, if I was wearing gloves, which I'm not, so this is entirely metaphorical, I would give you a nice smack. Because McCartney doesn't do cheese, he does LOOOOVE.
1) I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter- "I'm going to sit right down and write myself a letter, and make believe it came from you." Paul, can I call you Paul? In my heart of hearts I know that this slightly-stalkerish song totally sums up our feelings towards one another. And what's more, it makes me want to tap my toes and snap my fingers whilst driving down a sunny summer road, which is probably not a good idea, safety-wise, but who cares about safety, THIS IS LOVE.
2) Home (When Shadows Fall)- It should be illegal to say "take me home, baby" in that tone of voice, really, it should. This song makes me want to melt into a big puddle of snare-drum induced longing. When Jane runs away from Mr. Rochester, this should be the song playing in the background of my alternate-reality version where Edward sings this song and the heroine immediately forgets why she was running away in the first place.
3) It's Only a Paper Moon- I thought only Nat King Cole was allowed to sing this song, but I was WRONG, Paul, wrong! And I so humbly ask for your forgiveness. Because your slightly imperfectly perfect voice and that lovely fiddle, and the WHISTLING, oh the whistling. My heart can't take it.
4) More I Cannot Wish You- Someday, five hundred years in the future, when Zachary Levi and I have our not-too-big-not-too-small wedding, my dad and I will dance to this song and it'll bring the house down, because it inspires all the CREYES. The fact that you chose this song because of your young daughter makes me love you even more. The end.
5) The Glory of Love- This song will always and forever remind me of dancing around the kitchen with my grandpa, more like standing on my grandpa's feet while he danced, but that's what grandpas are for. ALL THE FEELINGS
6) We Three (My Echo, My Shadow, and Me)- You see that person waltzing with themselves over there in the corner? Yeah. That's me. Just give me a snood and some red lipstick and a WWII fighter pilot and I'll be ready to go.
7) Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive- Dear sir, I love the way you pronounce Jonah and Noah with those cute oh-so-British "r's" on the end. I also love the way you've got a bluesy vibe going on with this song.
8) My Valentine- You know you're a brilliant lyricist and musician when you can write a song that sounds like an old classic. Snaps for you, Sir Paul. I especially love the bridge of the song, can you sing it to me... in my dreams.
9) Always- Oh man. "I'll be loving you, always..." This song kills me. If Gatsby and Daisy had not been doomed from the start and were actually good for each other, this would've been their song. It makes me think of flappers and cloche hats and glitter and hot Paris nights. And love, always love.
10) My Very Good Friend the Milkman- More whistling and a cheeky guitar riff. That automatically qualifies this song as Mariah-approved.
11) Bye Bye Blackbird- If cinnamon hot chocolate and croissants and crackly fires were all mixed together and made into a song this is what it would sound like. Dancing cheek to cheek to this song is guaranteed to do crazy things to your heart. Consider yourselves warned.
12) Get Yourself Another Fool- This song is so harsh after all those sweet nothings you've been whispering in my ear. But I understand that not every relationship is perfect, so keep singing, and I'll keep reminding myself that even though those words coming out of your mouth sound so silky, you're actually breaking up with me.
13) The Inch Worm- How did a Wings song end up a standards album? Just kidding. But really. I'll refrain from saying anything else. (Don't think that children's choir is going to win me over.
Because it's not.)
14) Only Our Hearts- My heart simply cannot handle this album. SIMPLY CANNOT. Even smelling satls cannot cure the epicnessness that this song brings, and I thought it couldn't get any better until STEVIE WONDER and his harmonica made a guest appearance. You have slain me.
P.P.S- This album was recorded in the SAME studio WITH THE SAME MICROPHONE that Dean Martin and Sinatra and Nat King Cole used. Diana Krall plays piano on all the songs. And I really must insist that you go listen to it immediately.