Monday, April 23, 2012

100 Reasons We Love Michael Fassbender

Such a fox! (x)
Dear readers, this might come as a shock to you, but we feel our weekly curtsy to our beloved King Fassy every Sassurday is simply not enough to show our unswerving devotion to the ruler of Victorian Swag. We crowned him king at the very beginning without really going into detail. Perhaps because it seemed so elementary, so natural and self-explanatory! But seeing as it's his birthday month and that he gives us too many ALL CAPS FEELINGS and fainting fits to be truly contained by Sassurday, a proper *FAN FLAIL* is in order! We have filled his courts with fainting couches complete with hand-held fans and smelling salts for all of you. So without further ado, we will each try not to pass out or jump the throne as we pour our hearts out. We love you, Sassy Fassy, let us count the reasons why...

Ali:
1. Because he can bend metal and petticoats with his mind.
2. He's not just a pretty face.  He has REAL depth and range as an actor.  But we mostly like looking at his face.
(x)
3. Because, according to Fassy, gingers have more fun.
4. Master of the facial scruff.
5. Fassy has officially made Magneto my font of choice in Microsoft Word.
6. BEST HANDS EVER.  Period.
(x)
7. Because he loved Jane Eyre as only Mr. Rochester could.
8. Even his smirks are sexy.
9. He puts all other leather jacket-wearing men to shame.
HELLO! (x)
10. HIS VOICE!  WE LOVE HIS VOICE!
11. His laugh is horribly goofy and irresistibly contagious.
12. Because he can be deliciously disheveled . . .
Scruff! (x)
13. Or debonaire and dapper (THE HAIR SWOOP)!
14. We really wish he just wouldn't bother wearing a shirt 99% of the time, ok?
15. We're pretty sure that when he is wearing a shirt, it has been painted on.
16. His name lends itself to an ENDLESS possibilities in the realm of nicknames.
17. The epic bromance:

18. We may be opposed to smoking as a general rule, but every time that man lights a cigarette, we melt. Please pass the Marlboros!
You can light mine anytime, Fassy. (x)
19. He has superpowers, I tell you!
20. That scene where he is playing chess with Charles Xavier in X-Men: First Class, he is just so incredibly attractive in that turtleneck.
21. He's proven that he is not afraid to "put himself out there."
22. He makes even 19th century psychiatrist, Carl Jung, look appealing.
(x)
23. He's sure of himself and confident without being overly egotistical.
24. He's not afraid to take risks with his career. We love a man who will take on a quirky role or two just because he liked the script.
25. He sings! Who knew? We're voting for his next role to be in a musical. After he finishes being the embodiment of James Bond, of course.

Mariah:
26. Shark week smile. *bam*
(x)
27. Potential James Bond kick-assness? Check!
28. GINGER BEARD GINGER BEARD GINGER BEARD!
(x)
29. McFassy... Need I say more?

30. Oh, hello, intense Sassy is intense. *sa-woon*
31. You, sir, may wear a three piece suit whenever you like.
(x)
32. Or you may wear nothing at all, whichever...
33. This scene, WHY DID THEY CUT IT. Fassy intensity + horses= TRUE LOVE.
 
34. He does sci-fi well. And I am nothing if not a lady nerd at heart.
35. That little swoopy thing his hair does when it gets too long. I die.
36. ROCHESTER BOOTS. I LOVE a man in boots.
37. That time he dressed up as a lady. Who doesn't love a man with a sense of humor?
38. ...when he asks Jane to marry him. *melts*
 
39. The man knows how to wear a uniform.
40. Basically, perfect Fassy is PERFECT.
41. HIS FACE.
42. MMMM his arms.
43. Those cheekbones are carved out of granite.
44. The perfect mixture of German and Irish. Be still my heart.
45. Lets talk about skinny ties... aviators... and scarves...
46. Afraid of tears, our Fassy? Never.
Hex. (x)
47. His voice is everything that's right in the world.
48. Forget melting my petticoats off, Rochester makes me not want to wear any at all.
49. Can we just talk about his eyes for a moment? CAN WE?!
50. He can do anything, no really, it's true... DIVERSITY.

Sally:
51. He looks so damn fine on the Victorian Swag throne, yo.
52. Rochester hip jut.
Now that's Victorian swag. (x)
53. HIS VOICE DAMN IT. I mean have you heard him say, "Come here. Just let me hold you," in Hex? Have you? HAVE YOU?! It's so unfair! My body can't get through the TV screen!
54. His spot-on imitation of bird calls. What can't you do, Fassy?
55. Dancing skillz in Fish Tank:

Warning! Language!
56. The unbroken 17 minute shot in Hunger, anyone? Yeah. Thanks for playing.
57. When he throws his head back for a shark teeth laugh. Love it!
hahaha (x)
58. the scene where he begs Jane Eyre to stay... FML.
Where CREYES FOR EYES originated. (x)
59. Ze Fassinator in aviators... *fans self*
60. HE'S JUST SO FRIGGIN' MANLY!
61. Listen... I'm not above pointing out his backside...
In Fish Tank in case you were wondering... (x)
62. Or his front side while I'm at it... What?! Everyone was thinking it, I just typed it out loud! Ahem...
Ah 300... memorable for so many reasons... or six *stares at Fassy's six-pack* (x)
63. The way he makes you *heart clutch* over his very minor role in Band of Brothers because the combination of him and that perfect series is just too good to be true.
64. His flawless *eye flash* when he's angry.
65. The way he says so much without saying anything! Because he's so often sporting looks of UNADULTERATED INTENSITY!
66. The way daydreaming about him whispering in your ear could feed you more than a month's worth of Whole Foods gift cards ever could.
67. The hallucinatory snow scene where he shows up at Jane Eyre's door... WHAT UP VICTORIAN EYE CANDY?!?!
PHWOAR! (x)
68. How his gamma-ray voice can melt down your ice queen heart quicker than he can string two words together. Oh yeah. It's that effective.
69. That wicked wicked grin.
(x)
70. The sassy way he corrects reporters about being Irish and not English (quite rightly).
71. His talented tongue... where his perfected accents are concerned, of course ;)
72. The way his eyebrows stitch together when his character gets emotional, making you FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS.
73. How he's the inspiration for the male leads of mini rom coms I write sometimes... whaaaaaaat?! I did not just admit that to the world!
74. Oh Sassafass... always hunting down Nazis like a proper boss on screen.
75. Fassy phrases like, "I'm sweating like a cornered nun!"

Sarah:
76. Two words: leather jacket.
77. I have learned not to be afraid of the Jaws theme song because it reminds me of Fassy's shark smile.
(x)
78. Perfect French, flawless German - yeah, it's a big deal.
79. His bromance with James McAvoy only makes him cuter. 
80. That singing voice.
81.His incredible talent and range as an actor. Nothing is sexier than talent.
82. His affinity for scruff.
(x)
83.  He triggers the "I hate smoking, but damn you make it look good" feeling in me.
(x)
84.  He can pull off the suit and barefoot look - it's tricky.
(x)
85.  He pulls off the suit and shoes look on the red carpet, too.
86.  Scarves.  Seriously.
(x)
87. Dedication to his roles. I can barely make it 4 hours without whining about being hungry. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of having to do what he must have had to do to prepare for his role in Hunger.
88. He played Edward Rochester. Boom.
89. The scene in Jane Eyre where he talks with Jane about natural sympathies. I dare you not to be moved.
90. Dude looks good even when playing an android.
Prometheus. (x)
91. The way he subtly rolls his R's.
92. The fact that Sally and I have written over 400 emails that either mention him specifically or similar FEELINGS that he instills in us.  For example, "he looks good in period piece garb" could lead to "damn I love men in riding boots."
Good King Fassy! In riding boots! (x)
93. He played Magneto.  He was a no-nonsense-I'll-kick-your-ass-as-soon-as-look-at-you character that also cried manly tears when moving the satellite thingamadoodle.
94. His nickname is Sassy Fassy.
95. He takes envelope-pushing roles like Shame with grace.
96. Takes it on the chin when he gets snubbed by the Academy. He may be able to be forgiving of that, but I sure as hell am not.
97. Will do anything for his friends.
 
98. He's a ginger.
99. He has some of the best interviews. Period.
100. He's Irish. It's a weakness.

We could go on... and on... and on... Our love for you knows no bounds, King Fassy! Long live the king! Long live the king! Long live the king!

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