Thursday, August 2, 2012

To Judge or Not to Judge: The Glass Virgin

Next up we have The Glass Virgin. First off, can I just ask... Who is Catherine Cookson and why do all her novels-turned-movies have posters that look like they were chopped together in a middle school Photoshop class? They're all exactly the same! Except this one's lime green. Nothing says 'period piece' like lime green, am I right? I'm not sure whether I would question Ms. Cookson about these sad designs or the titles first. As you may see in Netflix, there are about a hundred of her same-poster movies. So how did I narrow it down? Simple: it was the title. The Glass Virgin? I mean, come on! How could I say no? What does it mean? I've been sitting here staring at the cover screaming, "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" over and over again. Is she emotionally sensitive? Does she collect Mary figurines? I don't understand! But she obviously has one very big problem and that is a very creepy man with excessively curly, and thus excessively creepy, hair and chops. Is he some wealthy lovestruck fool intent on marrying her? Yes. I'm betting this girl has been saving herself not only for love, but a little adventure and Mr. Right-There-Leering is not who she had in mind. I'm further betting she meets a pauper with a delightful personality and sweet digs under the nearest bridge. Let's see how far off I am and press play!

Oh no! The little menu has popped up at the bottom and I can plainly see that my lack of research is immediately kicking me in the derriere! It's a mini-series!!! *face-palm* I'm going to tell you up front, I'm only watching one to start. Gah! But wait... the disappointment's not finished yet, because it's starting off with the main character, Annabella, as a little girl. *yawn* Not that I don't recognize this is an important part of any girl's life, but... get me to the good stuff! Still, you can tell she's a sweetie, so we'll cut her some slack even if she can't stand up for herself.

Ok, so obviously I was wayyy off concerning Mr. Right-There-Leering. While I was spot-on about how creepy he is, he is actually her morally-bankrupt father. Yuck. Of course when a child is forbidden from going into a certain wing of the house, she inevitably winds up there. While Annabella does not seem to quite understand that she's witnessing her father having an affair, she's shaken up enough to faint afterwards. When she awakes to her father telling her she's had a bad dream, their manipulative relationship sets the course for the rest of the story.

Break #1: 30 minutes in. This was purely accidental due to my own lack of time management skills.

Truth be told, while this period piece is like brass knuckles to the eyes with everything from over-exaggerated reactions to costumes that leave you with a grimace on your face, it immediately gets you asking so many questions that you can't help plowing your way through. Mr. Right-There-Leering does uncover the story behind the title, however, before the episode is over. Since his wife comes from a family in the glass trade and she was unable to give him any children, she is the glass virgin. Annabella is, in fact, his illegitimate daughter. He seems none too pleased that she is leading such a sheltered life, but outraged when she accidentally overhears her heritage.

Mr. Right-There-Leering is teeming with money problems and he hires a certain someone as a groom with secret hopes that he can convince him to take up boxing so he can bet on him and win some much-needed cash that way. Who is this certain someone?
I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!??!
IT'S BABY BATES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it?! I certainly can't. He wasn't always middle-aged and limping around Downton Abbey? WHAT?! His name is Manuel Mendoza (I know) and he strikes an unlikely friendship with Annabella when he teaches her how to ride a horse. When she confides in him that she thinks of him as a friend he says, "Thank you, Miss Annabella. I'm yours for life." Foreshadowing? Obviously there's a bit of an age difference here, but by the abrupt flash-forward end of the episode she's played by the lovely Emily Mortimer and I'm guessing he's going to look about the same... Just a guess!

Conclusion: While I may have double-tasked my way through watching this one, it's surprisingly peaked my interest. I will definitely be watching episode 2.

Movie Poster: you're still a bad taste in my mouth
Smelling Salts: +1 (an honorary point must go to the mere presence of Baby Bates)
Bosom Friends: I guess you'll do
Feels: *jaw-dropping goodness* brought to you by Baby Bates' youthful face
Goin' Courtin': I suppose you may follow a step behind to make sure I make it home safely

Let's be honest, if Baby Bates wasn't around, I'd probably not be inspired enough to keep going. So, for now, this Victorian Swag wax seal of approval is still up in the air.

P.S. To the final scene I have to say, I wish it started storming out of nowhere whenever I got emotional.

No comments:

Post a Comment